I was asked if I would ever consider writing a book of my memoirs in Estate Agency. A report on the strange incidents in my career since 1985. I thought about it, then thought again. Much too cruel on the many wonderful and varied people I have sold for or met at viewings.

What I could do is a blog on some of the eccentric Estate Agents I have both come across and worked with; small; large; male; female; experienced; newly trained and many that brought transferable skills from their previous careers.

W E L L. . . 

Doors & Locks
To be involved in this industry, I honestly believe you need a degree in locks and doors. Lifting up the handle, lift up the whole door. Move the key to the side, turning the key to almost breaking point. When it comes to locks, first there is the paranoid (I include myself). Someone so worried about forgetting to lock the home of a trusted seller they start locking up before the viewer has left.
There was one occasion (and the person responsible knows this is true), where a viewing person for a corporate locked in a viewer. It took hours to release them – pre mobile phones days you understand!

Attics
At least one in three Estate Agents want you to view an attic…and I’m not that sure why. Christmas trees and cases are all most are good for. Not to some intrepid Estate Agents.
They help people up metal ladders. Force people to climb fold down wooden steps. Insist buyers go up and see roof sacking and Miss Haversham (a novel about a lady in wedding dress in the attic,). 
More than once has an agent stepped on the insulation having slipped off the beam. They are viewing people not gymnasts and have even fallen through the ceiling! Okay if you land on a bed, awkward if it’s a split level upside down design and you end up in the lounge. One experienced Director ended up in a bath!!! 

Ponds
Only once have I heard of an Estate Agent walking not over the pond, but into it. He was wearing a cream suit. He told me he carried on as if it never happened. A total professional, his only reference to the soaking was that he wouldn’t return into the house.

Animals 
Have you ever tried to catch a rabbit with your bare hands? I have. The owner told me it must never escape. What she didn’t tell me was that she had let it into the back garden prior to my arrival. As I chased and grabbed, swore and fell, the viewer actually told me he had to put a hanky down his throat to muffle his laughter as I acted out the great capture. As the seller arrived home, I was told it was just as well I hadn’t caught the large white rabbit, as it was vicious!

Weather
I love Scotland. I not only love living here, I choose to. But when a for sale board blows off into a neighbours flower patch or the snow means you can’t find the garage lock, I question my patriotism. It is no story to say you can arrive in the sunshine, show round in the rain and end in the garden as it snows. 

As I write, we are in the middle of yet another storm. Viewers won’t come into a large garden, their reasons ranging from;

1 It’s pi….. down
2 I can see the lawn from here
3 Your umbrella has now blown out and is broken

All I hasten to add, are true.

I’ll stop now but the worst is yet to come. Tales of incredible rudeness by people in a corporate who don’t care. Memories of leaving Estate Agents who in their last week gave up what they do and choose who to insult, not to mention a weird agent who took their pets in the car to every viewing. 

Gary